Half way there...

June, the month that signifies half way through a year… time to contemplate if your new year’s revolutions have or are being achieved. It is the month that I am celebrating being half way through my pregnancy. My tummy seems to have grown over night… yay for me, I can’t sleep on my tummy but I can feel the baby so that makes the ongoing heartburn, the tiredness kicking in all the more bearable.

June is also the month my beautiful mom turns 50. This is great milestone, well for the people celebrating… I love and respect my mom and really appreciate her advice. I am lucky that we see each other every day and speak once daily at the week end. Yes world - I am a “Mommy’s Girl”. I guess we don’t want to see our parents’ age they are the ones that will be there forever.  I love you mom.

June is also the month my cousin (who is skinny, clever and thin – vomit) decided that saving money was the order of the day by buying a box of blonde hair dye - the result: once beautiful blonde hair; now blonder down to the tips with orange roots. It is here that I learn put Jensen violet into shampoo instead of directly onto the hair which results in orange roots with blue and purple streaks. The worst part she still looks great – did I mention she had a baby 7 weeks ago… Yes she is annoyingly being so perfect looking like an Japanese hot anime character. Fair enough the look only lasted a day as our hairdresser saved the day.

I leave you with the funniest Facebook status’s I have read so far this month:

‘Facebook Friend’ I wonder if French people think in French I think that would be so irritating…

Of All the things I have lost... I miss my Mind the most!

It is true my husband has a new pet name for me – “mush brain” it all started when I fell pregnant…

And it hasn’t stopped since. The real thing that sticks out of my husband’s mind would be me continuously misplacing my house and car keys (Continuously!). I obviously would not admit that I had forgotten where or what I had done with these keys it is never me… it is the husband’s fault - it has been know on occasion that I would make my the H-dawg (husband dawg) get out of the car, come around to the driver seat so that I may check his pockets as I believed I had in fact given my house keys to him and not his own. Keys have progressed to laptops, lunches and handbags never minding the whole spell check on important emails and more importantly blog posts.  My husband not sure of this “behavior” would go through varying degrees of emotions (Hello – who is the walking hormone here, emotions are my department) The emotions would range through shock, anger and now pure complacence as fighting/arguing/disagreeing with a pregnant women will not get you anywhere. You could ask him, but he is currently sitting in his timeout chair and will be there for a while - I added on extra time for the “you should know better”.

I can’t be one of those skinny girls who say I miss my tight ASS and flat TUMMY now that I am preggers– these two things, sadly, have always been missing in action. What I can tell you is that I don’t miss my jelly belly, I love the roundness my tummy is taking even though nobody can see I am knocked up yet - people justthink I am getting hungrier* by the day, I don’t care. *“Hungry” to replace the word “Fat”. I have a friend who has taught her children that people are not fat but are in fact hungry. Why? you may ask.  This is a prevention mechanism of one of those “embarrassing children moments” The moment when your child points and asks really loudly “Mommy, why is that person so fat?” I think its pure brilliance. 

You have many ‘pregnancy illusions’- this is how you believe things will be once you are pregnant. Everyone will give advice but one of my best piece of advice given thus far is eat chocolate and ignore everyone’s advice, but only take the advice on the eating of chocolate (love it!)

These are a few of my pregnancy day dreaming goals:

1.       I would exercise as much as I wanted, doing what I wanted – this baby will just have to fit into my schedule. Well when you have  a scare resulting at casualty in the hospital, it is then that you have to evaluate your priorities - 9 months doesn’t seem so long to take things a little easy – you realize the important thing is that the baby you have desperately waited for will be healthy.

2.       I will wear elegant flowy long dresses, hair blowing in the breeze as I look fabulous glowing and pregnant– Wow - was I mistaken! Alas you also don’t get flowy dresses in winter and you don’t want to rush out to buy a piece of clothing you will wear for a day. (I just reread this part and thought since when did I become so practical?) Maternity selection of clothing sucks - well at least here in South Africa.

3.       I will not try not being OCD when it comes to things I eat or drink– (FAIL) This happens every pregnant person will have their own stance of what they will or will not do. I have decided that raw meat, yolky eggs, blue cheese and alcohol are not  negotiable  but I will have a cup of coffee or a cup of tea should I want. Now at this point people will have an opinion tea/coffee that is so bad, my non-advice is stick with what works for you.  I had no problem going to a malaria area as we had a bag just dedicated to mosquito repellant whereas I have a friend whose family will not negotiate on this. I had a miscarriage and I learnt that whatever you do be comfortable in your choices that you don’t ever blame yourself for the result.

4.       Lastly I will not be hormonal or emotionally – need I say more… Family and friends I apologize.

Even with the hearburn that decended upon me this week i am loving being pregnant... it would be even better when one of my closest friends can start her journey in becoming a mommy – a journey that she so deserves to be on (I am positive this will be any month nowJ)

Ps. this blog has been written twice due to me forgetting to save…

Pregnancy and Peeing

Today I am 18 weeks… I imagined it to be 4 and a half months but when I read websites especially the American ones some say you are officially 5 months… this is really confusing Well Happy 18 week baby!

I would love to be able to tell you if the baby is a boy or girl. I can’t I would love to say that the baby has my lips and daddy’s ears I can’t. We went for a scan on Friday and the already stubborn child of mine does not show face or sex. Next visit a chocolate and sweet fizzy cold drink will be consumed before the scan – bad mother that I willingly put my baby on a sugar high.

 I am trying to not sound ungrateful - hearing the heartbeat was amazing (cue tears and emotionally hormonal pregnant mum-to-be) but I did make my husband stop to buy me food so I could emotionally eat my way out to my disappointment of simply not knowing. My cousin didn’t want to know and I bet you their little boy was sticking his privates out at every scan.

The grannies loved it we did get to see the little bugger’s hands (ah bless) and his back legs as my mom so proudly put it. Walking away from the scan what I can tell is that the baby/snot/pip/bump whatever you would like to name the monster lying on my bladder.

Ok so Baby chilling on your bladder equates to never frequenting so many public toilets in your entire existence. A potential book deal should be in the works as I have become a toilet fundi. In my toilet experiences I will be the one to walk into the cubicle that someone has just had the freshest poo or the one with skid marks ok this subject is crap (hehehe) but I could talk about it for hours. How do you know you need to pee when you are pregnant? You will experience the baby tap dancing on your bladder - sharp uncomfortable pain especially at night bearing in mind you have made a toilet stop only 15min before and what happens is either a gush of wee or more often than not a  pathetic trickle

Last night after dinner, pee check, I was lazing around like Lady Muck when I felt a movement and I thought:

1.       mmh is that a bowel movement (don’t laugh IBS is a serious thing) J

2.        No it must be the baby experiencing hiccups. It was a real flutter it took me a few minutes to realize (please note your brain will turn to mush)

That was the baby’s first movement….  Silly grin stayed with me and my baby daddy for the rest of the night.

Im Back and the Rumours are True!

I have been dragging my feet to write but it’s only because I have great news to share but have been told to keep mum (heheh pun intended) about our news…

Well the rumours (ok there weren’t rumours I just like to think I am a famous person) . Yes the rumours are true my husband and I are knocked up.

Conversation of me breaking the news to my very intelligent husband:

Me: I have something to tell you

Him: what?

Me: we are knocked up?

Him: how did this happen?

Me: well its starts when a man and women love each other and… HELLO?? I really dont look forward to the birds and bees talk to my future children..

So due to our baby making not starting off on the greatest foot last year we had a miscarriage, and then we had a small scare of which I will save for another post as I let it sink in that I am going to be a mommy preferably a yummy mummy (once again grand illusions of grandeur)… Oh My Word!!

Yes all my followers and yes you the paparazzi its true I am preggers!

So my blogs now take off from finding abs to losing them… which is fantastic news for me and all about the joys of my pregnancy journey.

Peeing at the Dentist with Dyll

One could say Pea and I have this healthy obsession to talk about our lady parts business and anything to do with being a LADY. Much like men who like to scratch and fondle around their nether regions – theirs is a bit more subconscious - unawares sometimes to their surroundings. We simply love to talk about what we are going through more when we think I mean know we are being entertaining…

I had my yearly dreaded visit to none other than my Gynae I say dreaded as it invokes fear to my fellow lady comrades in the quest to be healthy inside and out.

We had this discussion the other day who would you rather visit The Dentist Vs. The Gynae…round one, I will not discuss similarities as this involves talks of body openings. The dentist hurts more and takes way more time. You can’t talk, did I mention the dentists really hurts you and then proceeds to embarrass you with both hands in your month by asking you a question of which you answer something like argg..warrrggg… uggg followed by copious amount of spit. Hello Nurse lady you supposed to be sucking the saliva up with your machine that shreeks in my ears… never mind the… DRILL

After backwards and forwards of…(dun dun dun)… THE DENTIST VS.THE GYNAE discussion, ok maybe 5 min chat it has become apparent that the loud mouths and not to shy ones go to none other than the dentist.

Guess who I chose… I choose the gynae. Why? Well firstly he doesn’t spend hours hurting me (ok whatever I say now will just go north and south but not the direction I intend it to go) so I choose to stop on my reasons what I can say is that everyone tries to make your time as pleasant as possible in the gynae.

One experience I do hate is the peeing in the jar. This needs to be timed almost like an army infiltration into some 3^rd world country with really amazing computer technology to steal nuclear warheads. 

Water needs to be drunk so that there is a need to go pee when arriving at the gynae, especially if you cant pee on demand. SO I arrive and there I sit not to proud of being able to give bottles of urine samples, I am bouncing,  I can feel it coming out me in the form of tears… I make it in time… even the nurse says we only need one sample wow wanna her see her not spill… (evil laugh)

SO flash forward 2 minutes and there I was lying on the bed and I asked my male gynae his opinion on the big Dentist vs. Gynae debate and he says simply, he chooses the Gynae… now I think is this man not telling me something about himself.

Now due to me not falling pregnant immediately as I would have hoped… I had my child’s name planned Egypt or Cairo (guess where we went on honeymoon) I have now got to get off my bum and head to the doctor for blood tests…. Apparently only teenagers not wanting babies get pregnant super fast…

I have passed the stage of worrying being taunted by late periods and pregnancy test (I only took one this month ok 2).

I go away knowing that beauty really is skin deep… tell that to my ovaries, uterus and pancreas.. liver could be a whole new ball game…

I have fleas (Dyll)

It appears I have fleas as I have these red dots that keep popping up all over my body and man are they itchy. I have ruled out chicken pox, measles and allergic reaction by asking my very educated friends and family.  How do I stop this I need help people any suggestions are welcome.

Today’s post is more of a follow up in my previous revolutions:

Day 1 of quest for abs:

I awaken which is a feat in itself head to the gym for my very own personal trainer whom I am going to love and hug and hate and maybe beat up  - who does not show up. Day 1 over… more gripping details to follow shortly.

I have added another new year’s revolution to my list:

Finish the degree I started many many moons ago. I haven’t studied in like a zillion years, yes I am petrified as my brain seems to shu………t……….. ok I'm back… see its really bad?

And to make matters worse I have this mental block in the dreaded accounting module department. I have made it my mission to be friends with accountants, book keepers, auditors and anyone in the accounting department, hoping that just hanging around them  will allow for their superior knowledge of ledgers and all boring things related to accounts will rub off on me and that I will become a more of a  well “balanced” person. But all I have received so far from these party animal alcoholics is that A + L = E yes, ALE… I have temporarily delayed this module of basic accounting till next semester (can’t wait) in the meantime I will strive to be positive in all things involving and will “credit” this positive attitude to wanting to pass this module… so bad!!

                                                    

Another thing I am embracing this year by not being over excited by everything, and taking my long term plans one week at a time!

Talking about a New Years Revolution- with Dyll

Happy Happy Merry Merry…

What a great way to start a year by jotting down all your revolutions. I don’t do resolutions as I feel that I have the passion to embrace each goal I set forth (some may disagree)

So my first goal is based on the massive FOOD HANGOVER I experienced right through Christmas. The problem with a food hangover is that it is very different to a Booze Hangover.

I shall set the scene: Imagine you and your crazy bunch of friends are celebrating the victory of once again coming 2^nd in your soccer match”  you know - celebrating something “really” important - so what does any self respecting celebration call for? Thank you for asking… it calls for shooters and booze.

The next morning  you awaken to the sound of the pulse in your feet pounding in your ears, your fashion style is EMO (please research if you don’t know what an EMO is) and you are feeling like a barrel of recycled monkey puke… the advice you are given ranges from greasy breakfast/take away, banana mayonnaise milkshake or a green salad  - Everyone suddenly  gives advice on their “guaranteed hangovered recovering remedies” and more often than not  the common advise heard in the halls of pubs, bars and homes everyone is bite the dog… metaphorically speaking of course this is translated to have another drink and feel better - I will show you vodka redbull!!

But alas on a food hangover you cannot eat another packet of Christmas pies or a turkey – you know, the evils that made you feel this awful - I should have shared the turkey and the stuffing L so there you are button undone feeling extremely sorry for yourself, it’s the hours after the great big Christmas meal to the leftover meal that makes one ask “Why, Why, Why”

What to do in this state, well obviously start your Christmas Revolutions for 2011 procrastination being a vice that you will say goodbye to in the new year because you only  start after standing on the scale on the first Monday in January, it is then that you decided that Tracy Chapman had it wrong. Talking about a Revolution, start with a wimper L not whisper…

Step One of NYR

To be original in this common goal writing predicament we find ourselves in I am thinking that my goals will not include talk of weight loss, I will not say I want to lose 100kg, I will not stereotype myself and be such a typical girl. Instead I solemnly swear to eat-less and save my allowances of chocolate, booze and overindulging for really really special occasions until I have lost either 99.1kg or 20kg around my ankles.

My other problem is my abs or should I mention lack of. It all started last year  when I was laying on the emergency bed in the doctors rooms - I had come down with a severely attacking  tummy bug otherwise known as exploding diarrhea. I was cramping and not to sound melodramatic thought I was going to die.

So the doctor tells me to pull my stomach in, whilst he does his “Doctor Check” he then asks or rather tells  in a slightly frustrated voice “ Pull –in-your –tummy” I then say in clenched teeth… I AM!

At this point he told me told me to get abs.

I then left the doctors rooms miserable but on a mission “finding ABS”. I then did what any intelligent, sassy lady does I turned to my trusted friend “google” who I am sad to say let me down and couldn’t help me buy abs. Nothing. Dust. Not even the kind where you just ad water and have “Walla” Instant ABs

2011 will be the year of the ABS… so help me. (More on my gripping tale of “The AB’s – emotion to the core” to follow shortly)

As for the rest of the revolutions there are so many and not even Greek civilization was ruined in a day.